My Why…

5, 368 days ago my life changed, when God saw fit to bless me with this special child. Then my life changed for the worst 2,536 days ago when God decided to take the same child away from me. For 2,832 days, I was given the chance to love, nurture, and care for this special.
Allow me to introduce you to my guardian angel, Cameron. Cameron was born with a rare brain called Holoprosencephaly pronounced ho.lo.pros.en.ceph.a.ly or for short, HPE. This disorder has four severities, my Cameron had the second severest form, semilobar HPE. When we are formed, our brains are formed in two hemispheres. With HPE, Cameron was born with his whole brain but the front of his brain was one mass, there was no separation. Also, if you look at the picture you can see that my Cameron had close bulging eyes, no bridge of his nose, he was missing the separation of his nostrils, and had a cleft lip which affected the front upper gum. Cameron would be born with intellectual disabilities, feeding issues, and would be 100% dependent on care. 

At first, I was nervous about bringing him into a world that was cruel and not as accepting of those who are different. I didn’t want him to have to go through life and have to deal with insensitive people who would point and laugh at him. Although, he did experience all that, I tried my best to shield him from the cruel world. The most heartbreaking of all this is that most of the mocking and staring came from adults. Although we could protect him all the time from cruel people we made sure that he knew that we loved and cared for him daily. Cameron truly blessed those who took the time to get to know him and his disorder. 

Cameron taught me about patience, well to have patience with him as I don’t really have patience with a lot of other things, lol. Cameron taught me that there is nothing in this world that I should allow to upset me and that I can smile through anything even when I don’t feel like it. You see, Cameron had anywhere from 2 to 50+ seizures a day, sometimes they made him cry but in midst of his tears he would give you the best beautiful smile that his little body could muster up. If he could smile in times where he has every right to cry, why can’t I?

Because of this little being, he is my reason for getting up each day with a smile on my face. He is the reason I went back to school to get my master (finished this past July). He is my reason for everything I do!! When I feel like just giving up, I think back on all the times he was in the hospital and could have given up but he kept on fighting. When I think about quitting something I think about all the times that he physically could do something but he gave it his all to at least try. When I think about how he wasn’t suppose to survive birth, its makes me want to give every opportunity I have my all. 

Cameron J. Bryant is the one of the main reasons I’m who I am today. Strong, independent, determined, loving, and not a quitter (well, I’m still working on this one). When I’m feel like giving up, Cameron is who I think about and his memory gives me the strength to move forward.

Although, I miss him daily, I’m so thankful that God saw fit for me to be this little guys mom. He has truly made a great impact in our family. We truly love and miss him each and everyday. 

To learn more about his disorder, Holoprosencephaly, please click here.