My Dearest Cameron,

Its has been 5478 days since you blessed my our lives and 378 weeks since you left a permanent hole in our hearts. My plan today was to celebrate you but it has not gone to plan. Your dad was suppose to come home so we could celebrate you together but to things beyond his control changed those plans. In the changing of those plans the dark cloud that I was so hoping to avoid crept its way in, no matter how hard I tried to fight it. So a fun happy weekend turned into spending a little time with your sister, auntie, cousin, and Chris for a few hours, to sleeping, sleeping, and more sleeping

Cameron, you made me whole and without you I feel like an empty shell. I wake everyday with a purpose of making you proud but I feel like such a failure without you. You were my happiness, my peace, what made me smile each and every day. I just wish that God would have let you stay. I understand that you are in such a better place then where you were but I truly need you here with me, with us. So I could feel like what I am doing in life is worth it. You made everything worth doing!! If I could do it all over again, without a shadow of a doubt I would without blinking an eye.

Okay, I hear you saying mom stop! I just miss you son, out of all that I have done in life you and Ty are my greatest accomplishments. Oh yea, speaking of accomplishments as you already know Momma is about to graduate!! Thank you for pushing me on the many occasions I wanted to quit and give up. Son, you know mama was through with that school on many occasions but you kept me on course and I finished baby for you and for your granny. YESSSSSS, A MASTER’S DEGREE!!!!!! A small voice, I don’t know whose voice lol, is telling me to go back for a PHD. I don’t know, as I don’t have any money for that or I don’t know if I have the patience. If this is what you want me to do son, help me find the funding and the patience, lol. Cause mama definitely going to need the patience!!

Wow, 15!!! I cant believe if you want here, you would have been 15!! Oh the party we would have had for you yesterday! Your dad and I was discussing some of your pictures on your birthdays and you was either sleep or sick. I was think if you were here today, what your health would have been. Would you had improved in health or would you have been worst. It wouldn’t have mattered to me either way cause I would have celebrated it no matter what. But it warms my heart to know that on the past 7 birthdays, you have been healthy and whole!! Free of any aches, pains, hospitalizations. Gosh, son I miss you like crazy!!

I couldn’t end this day without sending you my annual birthday letter!! Tomorrow, I will put balloons on your resting place for you to look at from heaven. This weekend if your dad comes we will get you your number balloons. 🙂 Cameron, continue to watch over your dad and keep him safe, please help him accomplish all the ideas he has in his head so that he can began to enjoy all that he worked so hard to accomplish. Continue to watch over your sister as she embark on her last year in school, keep her head straight and on the right path. She had a rough start, but its not how you start but how you finish. Let’s pray that she knocks this last year out the box. Lastly, please watch over your mama. On the days that I feel like I can’t and don’t want to do life, give me that nudge to let me know that I need to get up and get moving, if not for myself for you!!! Cameron Jacob Bryant, YOU ARE MY EVERYTHING!!! Momma, loves you so much young man. I thought I knew love when I had Ty but nope my love for my you son is out of this world!!! I love you with all of me!! Talk to you in the morning, if I don’t see you in my dreams.

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